I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
