Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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