He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
