so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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