Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
