One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
