You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
