I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
