Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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