just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
