uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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