So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
