names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
