I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
