Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
