Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
