His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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