I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My vagina is officially offended.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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