It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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