I like to think it a success when the cops are called
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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