I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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