Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
