I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
