please come you make the beer taste better
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
