I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
