worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
