o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
