Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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