): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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