I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
