you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
