the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
