I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
