my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
