Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
