Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
