Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
