it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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