i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
