i just had sex bonerless
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
