So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
