but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
