My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
