erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
