So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
pray to the hookup gods
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
