Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
