I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize