And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
