It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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