I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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