the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
