I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
