i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
