i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize