Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
