You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
