Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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