why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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