there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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