You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
