if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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