Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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