Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Please, let me fuck your mom
I showed him my bush... on skype.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
