I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
