I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
