My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
