its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
