even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
