he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
