Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
