I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
