I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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