How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
