i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
