If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
