hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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