I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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