My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
