Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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