I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
