She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
