the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize