A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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