Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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