A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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