No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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