At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
