I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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