I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
