I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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