Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize