OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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