sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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