Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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